| Swinging back and forth |
[Sep. 12th, 2009|09:32 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
My job changed my schedule around. So, I went from working days to working nights, and now im back on days. Needless to say, my sleep pattern is very messed up. The first couple of days I worked nights, I had the scariest nightmares. Very realistic...no aliens or monsters or Freddie.
Today was my first day back on days, and last night I had the WORST dream I could EVER imagine. I saw Dann again. The problem was, it was also realistic. He told me he faked his death, but never gave a clear reason why. Obviously, It was a very emotional one. I was crying because I was happy, and hurt this happened to begin with. But then every time we touched, I coughed up a lot of blood, I mean the kind you see on TV when someone is dying. The taste was bitter -like blood- and I can still taste it.
I think I know what its like to die. A long time ago I had a dream that I was shot in the head...and im pretty sure I wrote about it on here.(I might have to search for it) Now I know how it feels to cough up excess amounts of blood. Maybe I know how it felt when he died. That part isnt AS bad as you can imagine. Just a lot of hard pressure, heat, fast heartbeat at first and a bitter taste.
Anyway, it was a long dream, and when I woke up...I realized it WAS a dream, and til now I havent stopped crying. Work was hard as hell, and I lost it on every break.
I almost forgot how much I missed him. Now i'm afraid to sleep tonight. |
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| this makes me giddy...hehe |
[Apr. 14th, 2009|07:00 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
a text on the way, telling me to drive safe.
a text when i got to vegas, asking me how it is...
a text convo cuz work was dead...
a text convo cuz he was with a friend and his friend asked about me, and "how things are going between us" ....
a text in the morning...
a phone call after he got off work... and i said "what did you tell your friend when he asked about 'us' " and he said "well i said you were a cool chick...everything is going good, and you might be moving to vegas so well see"
a text from me (a first) asking "what happens if we do hit it off, and i move to vegas?" (didnt have the heart to say...too late bro, i already live here) ..he responds "i dunno, wait and see i guess"
(his cousin who also lives in vegas has been trying to get him to move here.)
and the texting continues...
i kinda like this... but then its all bittersweet, cuz i wont be living in ca. =(
fuck. |
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| smile |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|01:41 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  silly | ] |
so for a second, i figured that hooking up with the new guy, was probably going to be just that. cuz the text messages would come only at night, along with a phone call, which would last for 2 to 3 hours.
in my mind im thinking...okay he's only calling like after 12am. i get it.. im the night chick.
so during the usual late night phone convo, he asks when i was working the next day. i told him i was off at 10 and he told me he had to close. whatever..
next day arrives and he's there super early.
"What are you doing here so early? love work that much huh?"
"nah.. i switched with someone."
...mmkay. interesting. so 1030 rolls around and im getting ready to leave work. i check the cell, and i got a text saying "you out yet?"
uh huh...
so we end up going to a bar, shared some food, and blahdy blah. bar closes. we end up chatting in my car til 4:45 am! and all of it was that "get to know me" topic.
then he goes, "im gonna win your heart over with my cooking, what's your favorite meat?"
excuuuuuuse me? win my heart over eh? (btw, i said chicken. yum yum)
so now im like.. hmm..maybe im not a hook up after all.
he didnt work tonight, but i had to close. (we were together last night btw)
his texting started at 10am and lasted until 130am. ALL DAY.
im headed for vegas tomorrow and ill be gone for the week. he actually said "i work at 3...if you leave for vegas early enough...maybe we can go get something to eat before you go?"
cuuuuute! ^_^
if only i wasnt driving with my mom! cawk block!
ah this makes me feel 18 again...too bad im turning 25 in 3 days!!! =(
ah country boy..what am i gonna do with you? |
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| My little secret place to vent |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
I like you. A lot.
=) |
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| When you just want to scream. |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|07:54 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
I have to imagine that something is wrong with me. I seem to have put myself in impossible situations and then convince myself they are easy to maintain.
Everytime...i feel like i get slapped in the face. |
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| what is wrong here? |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|11:09 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
i run away from every guy who is interested, and i cry about every guy i cant have.
what the hell?
im so upset, but yet i refuse to lower my standards
the guy who i was seeing a few months ago... messaged me tonight. saying, he needed closure because he couldnt stop thinking about me, and apologizes for lying about certain things. it pissed me off even more. how in the free world, was HE the one who needed closure?? what a jerk off. this one really messed with my mind, and played me well.
ugh
i really am upset right now.
im at the edge right now. i could feel my body wanting to burst into tears right at this very moment. but there is this numb feeling---almost like im already dead, that is taking over. |
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| ok ok ok, i need to calm down. haha |
[Aug. 6th, 2008|07:59 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
so i have another lil crush. haha.
this guy named scotty. yeah i swear to god. its weird.
he played gaston. he's not like super attractive and stuff, but he seems like such a nice guy. Some of the cast has been coming over to my house for karaoke, twice so far.. and he's been around with them.
i dunno, i like that kid. i think i liked the fact that he sang "friend like me" from aladdin, and owned it!
ok conclusion... i like theater people. they're dorks who arent afraid to look like dorks infront of other dorks.
=)
check the you tube if ya wanna know. |
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| My thoughts/fears about theater. |
[Jul. 30th, 2008|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Is this home?
Is this where I should learn to be happy?
Never dreamed, that a home could be dark and cold.
I was told, everyday in my childhood, even when we grow old
Home should be where the heart is, never were words so true...
My hearts far, far away, home is too.
What i'd give, to return to the life that i knew lately
But i know, that i cant solve my problems going back
Is this home?
Am I here for a day or forever?
Shut away, from the world until who knows when?
Oh but then, as my life has been altered once, it can change again.
Build higher walls around me,
change every lock and key
Nothing lasts, nothing holds, all of me.
My hearts far, far away, home and free. |
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